While walking through Liverpool Street Station this morning, I started thinking about how I see the world, and if it differs from others. I’m don’t usually write introspective posts because I don’t feel others will be interested (I doubt people are really interested in reading extended tracts of introspective navel gazing - especially when they are the product of my free-wheeling mind).
I thought I would share this portion of random junk that slid into my mind this morning.
While walking through the station, I found myself looking at people as they crossed my path - not just glancing; really looking. Looking into them. Seeing that the girl over there with the red coat is worried about something. The thick set guy talking loudly with his friend while striding along is putting on a front. The couple gazing into each others eyes by the station turnstiles really are in love…
I wondered if I am seeing more than most people do - more than they see if they really looked. Is this a rare thing? Do I have more empathy for others than others? I suspect I might, but then how would you ever know?
You could describe empathy as the amount you are drawn to others - to understand them, the need to “fix” them in some way. While it is probably an admirable trait to have, it can sometimes cause difficulties. Through wanting to “be there” when others are low, to give a shoulder to lean on, you often find yourself in places you didn’t anticipate (perhaps through your own naivety).
The same person you find yourself helping can easily see your attention as something more than it is; perhaps because those around them do not provide the support that you naturally provide without thinking about. This is fine, except of course they may respond to it - and if you don’t see that coming, you can find yourself in a really difficult situation really quickly.
I’ve seen it happen with several friends in the past - and have had it happen to myself. Something that starts as being a good listener - helping somebody who needs a shoulder - turns into the person in distress throwing themselves at those taking notice of them.
I expect psychologists and their like are trained to see it coming, and have tools to deal with it. The rest of us find our own way, and try to do as little damage as possible extracating ourselves from the messes we blunder into.
Hopefully, knowing things like this happen does not discourage the “listeners” of this world from listening, and from being there when they are needed. I know it will never discourage me, but then that might because I’m almost completely blind to it - comedically so at times.