The word this week at BlogFriday is “Different”. While searching through the various junk in the corners of my mind that might fit against “different”, I wandered over to dictionary.com - it had the following definition;
Different
- not alike in character or quality; differing; dissimilar: The two are different. 2. not identical; separate or distinct: three different answers. 3. various; several: Different people told me the same story. 4. not ordinary; unusual.
The first definition - not alike in character or quality - tempts me to write the first introspective post I have in quite a while; about my not fitting into the commuting city-worker stereotype. People don’t always like to read introspective “me me” posts though, so then my fellow travelers come to mind, and their differences.
How about a little armchair psychology? Why don’t we break down the types of people as seen through my eyes that inhabit my daily commute? Before having a fit while reading the following character assassinations, I should perhaps remind you that this is just a bit of fun.
Mr Young Career Person
This person has short hair, always wears a suit, and is physically fit. Almost without exception he will be sat hunched over a small Dell laptop for the entire journey. He doesn’t talk to anybody, he fitfully answers messages on his Blackberry, and stands up on the underground trains. He is not married.
Miss Young Career Person
This person has shiny hair (exactly like in the shampoo adverts), more often than not wears a business suit with trousers that show off her figure, and wears glasses. She text messages on her phone and reads novels from the Booker Prize list while commuting. She does not sit near older people. The only indication she has a boyfriend is the rare phonecall from a friend.
Mr City Veteran
This chap is late 40s, wears the same suit all week, polishes his worn black shoes, and is slightly overweight. A little ragged around the edges. He often wears a long coat, and does the Sudoku puzzles in the paper he bought on the walk to the train station. If given the chance he will sit near Miss Young Career Person. He will sit opposite you and kick your feet without apology. On the underground trains he will jump at the chance to sit down - even in the face of pregnant women who are standing.
Mrs City Veteran
This lady is in her mid 40s, and wears business suits with a short skirt. She was quite the young thing in her past, and now spends a fortune on hair products (she has dyed blonde hair) and makeup. Her skirt is perhaps just a little too short. She has an expensive handbag and shoes. The suit is lipstick red, matching her red lipstick. She could almost be a senior air hostess. Mysteriously you never see her on the underground trains, but she does try to sit near Mr Young Career Person on the overground trains.
Mr Annoying
This chap is in his 50s, wears a very smart suit, and has military style grey hair. He is never bald. He coughs without covering his mouth, uses his laptop which overlaps people in adjacent seats, and unfurls his newspaper with no regard fellow travelers. He never apologises or appears to give a thought to anybody else. Upon leaving a packed underground train he will push past without so much as an “excuse me”, or a “thank you”. In his mind he is obviously far more important than everybody else. The ring tone on his mobile phone will be popular music from the early 1980s.
Mrs Overweight
She is always in her 20s, never talks directly to anybody, and sits there sighing or tutting for the entire journey. She as by far the most spectacular hair and makeup of anybody. If no seats are available on the underground train she will stand in front of a man, and glare at him. When buying train tickets, she doesn’t get her money out until the ticket seller has asked for the required amount - after which time it takes her minutes to find it - meaning other travelers now have no opportunity to buy a ticket. She often eats for most of the journey and throws wrappers under the seat.
Mr Lad About Town
He is in his mid 20s, has hair that might have been done for a hair dressing competition, a messenger bag emblazoned with a garish logo, very expensive denim jeans (with prominent label), and an iPod which everybody else can hear up and down the carriage. He will play with a Sony PSP for the entire journey, and talk very loudly on a mobile phone worth more than most people’s desktop computers.
So there we go. I think I have perhaps now made enemies of eighty percent of the people I commute with. Of course it could turn out that I rank as number one in their list of annoying personalities to endure during the commute. In my defense I will perhaps point out that I’m the guy taking up the least room even though he has his Macbook unfurled. I’m the guy stood on the underground train, who has chosen his spot deliberately to keep out of everybody’s way. I’m the guy who has had the shower and shave every morning and smells of deodorant and Jean Paul Gaultier after shave every morning. I’m the guy who stops twenty times on his way through the packed railway stations to let others go first. I’m the guy who apologises for things he hasn’t done when you have to break your step because you were about to walk into him.
I’m the guy who is secretly cursing under his breath, compiling this blog post full of your idiosyncrasies such that they can be communicated to the world at a later date.