Once upon a time I read the book “Chaos” by James Gleick. Within the many and varied unfathomable ideas was the concept of a “strange attractor”. It has struck me time and time again while travelling to work on my mountain bike that I am indeed a “strange attractor”. I am also entirely invisible to car drivers.
By pure chance this morning I happened to be travelling through town during the five minutes that the highest proportion of idiots are also on the road. Given my invisible status, and strange attractor probability skew, you can imagine the various adventures I had. In no particular order, these adventures included;Being driven at by a car driving on the wrong side of the road.
Being turned across. Twice.
An old man walking out in front of me. A career woman swinging her bag into the road, perfectly timed to nearly take me out.
Another woman opening her car door into the road without looking.
The strange attractor “feature” caused multiple cars to arrive at any junction I approachedmy crowning achievement was the high street, where the entire place gridlocked on my arrival. I ended up getting off the bike, and walking the entire way out of town before getting back on. As I re-mounted, a white van pushed me into the kerb. I wouldn’t mind being treated so badly on the road if there was some kind of cause behind itsome heinous idiocy that had angered every motorist within ten milesexcept I am the most “correct” cyclist I know. I wear a helmet, I have lights, I always signal, I always stay on the road, I always obey stop lights. I always stop at crossings the Dudley Doright act goes on and on. While cycling along, being subjected to the barrage of almost accidents, I can of course be seen mouthing obscenities. In the same manner as Michael Bolton in Office Space, I don’t shout these obscenities out loud that might cause an argument that I would have to run away from (always the best tactic). One day I will probably re-enact the laser printer scene too. I sometimes wonder if my new found skills as a parent are helping me cope with riding the bike through town each day. Skills such as not hearing that which you choose not to, and only noticing behaviours I choose to.