We had a final “official” meeting with our social worker this morning, and bade warewell to the amazing woman who has accompanied us along the journey from being prospective adopters to somewhat experienced parents.
If you are a recent reader of my blog, a little back story is probably required.
After two years fighting our way through the red tape, being repeatedly interviewed, and having every aspect of our life turned inside-out and upside-down, last February we became the adoptive parents of three little girls. Our big old empty house became a big old noisy, untidy, crazy house overnight.
In the early days the spectre of social workers was ever present - weekly visits of both our own and the children’s social workers became bi-weekly, monthly, and then stopped.
Today marked the very end of that withdrawal.
It feels quite odd.
As much as we yearned for independence from the meddling hand of the state in the early days, the increasingly infrequent visits byoursocial worker became the return of an old friend - somebody with perspective that remembered us before children.
She is now gone. We now stand alongside the variety of parents we have come to know through school, brownies, and work as equals; with no catch net. In some ways we are more fortunate than many; our exposure to the potential issues we may have had to confront caused us to become better informed about attachment, loss, and the behaviour of children.
Like all parents, weknowour kids. We know real tears from fake, we know the sound of delight, the murmerings of disappointment, and the silence of fear.
There is, and will always be a part of our children that isnotours though; the time they spent with their birth family, and their various other siblings spread around the country. Who knows - perhaps our having dealt with that thought from day one will stand us in good stead when they one day fly the nest.
Our children are never really”ours”, are they. From the moment they begin making decisions for themself, answering back, protesting, and manipulating us, they are very much their own person and we are just along for their ride.