The weekend before last I was playing football on the green outside our house, and the bright idea popped into my head to see if you could kick a football while hopping. After I collapsed in a heap on the ground, I figured it wasn’t such a great idea after all.

It didn’t help that I had to do the mile run for charity the next day.

I forgot all about the sore knee until I had been standing in the cold last weekend listening to a band play in the street. I turned to walk away, and something gave in the same knee - I almost collapsed in the street.

Then on Sunday morning, after getting out of the shower I was stepping into my underwear and somehow managed to knee the underneath of the wash basin - hard enough to almost rip it off the wall.

You know when you do something stupid like that, and for a few moments it doesn’t hurt, and you don’t know what to do with yourself? And then the pain arrives, and youreallydon’t know what to do with yourself… yeah. That.

So I began this week with one knee that hurts when I bend it, and the other knee that doesn’t like having weight put on it - neither of which really help when you ride a mountain bike to work every day. My knees already sound like old rope when I walk up and down stairs, after dislocating a kneecap several years ago. I seem intent on destroying what’s left of them at the moment.

Perhaps the funniest bit is that the doctor remarked on my legs when I dislocated the kneecap all those years ago - he ensured me that it was a freak accident, and the likelihood of damaging my knees again would be tiny, judging by the amount of muscle surrounding them.

It would seem I’m out to prove him wrong.

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