On Friendship Self Censorship And Deep Thoughts

It’s easy while working, commuting, washing up, tidying up, and generally doing your best to not offend, let down, or annoy anybody to forget who you are - what you believe in, and forget that other people exist who share the world-view that you guard so closely. While reading the outspoken thoughts of others on the internet, I find myself wondering about my own contribution to the pool of wisdom, knowledge, and life experience we all share online. Where once I was an open book, I have now become a keeper of secrets - both about myself and others. The pursuit of a quiet life free from controversy tends to squash my own opinions of things - some of them important. The action - and inaction - of others passes without comment regardless of the anger or frustration I may feel at the time. By the same token that I may not speak out against that which annoys or angers me, I also find myself self censored against those who I value, cherish, or admire for fear of communicating incorrect signals to those around me. Just to complicate matters, I have always got on with, and attracted the attention of women far more than men - and am perhaps fortunate to count several wonderful women (besides my infinitely better half) as my closest friends and confidants. Of course the last several years have added several young female charges to the complex web of relationships and guiding rules surround my life, behaviour, expectations and responsibilities. Suddenly I am expected to speak out even less - to become the quiet Yorkshireman my grandfather was. To “hear all, see all, and say nowt”. There is still a brain ticking away inside this quiet, hard working person though - a person who thinks, has opinions, is angered by others, places others on pedestals, thinks far more of close friends than he lets on, and finds beauty in the most unlikely places.