I walked into town yesterday at lunchtime and visited the opticians for an eye test. It’s been about five years since I last had my eyes tested, and I had slowly become aware that my eyes are not quite as good as they used to be. When tired I’ve been finding it difficult to focus - either close to me, or further away.
After being shepherded to a seat in a quiet corner of the opticians to wait my turn, I was finally greeted by a pretty assistant that invited me to follow her into a side-room filled with all manner of machinery. I sat in front of one of the devices, perched my chin on a rest, and gazed as instructed straight toward the assistant. A red dot illuminated in the darkness, and a flash of light momentarily blinded me.
“If you would like to take a seat, we’ll be with you soon” - and just like that, she was gone again.
I passed the time messaging back and forth with a friend before a doctor appeared, and ushered me into a consulting room. Once there I perched my chin on a rest once again, and the classic card filled with letters appeared across the room.
I could just about read the bottom row with one eye, and after a few moments could read it with the other eye too. I used to be able to read the bottom row easily. Over the next few minutes all manner of lenses were flicked into and out of my vision - “is that better or worse?”, “is that brighter or darker?”, “which is better - 1… click… or 2?”. This went on for some time before the doctor told me I could relax, and then started filling out fields on a convoluted computer screen.
She finally relaxed back in her chair, smiled at me, and said “do you have your glasses with you?”.
“No. I’ve never worn glasses before.”
She smiled in surprise, and said “Never?”
“No. I knew my eyes were getting worse, and people always told me that once I got past 40 I would end up needing them, but it looks like I made it to 50!”
She grinned, and explained that I had indeed lost enough vision to require glasses at last - and handed me a printout that described the specification of lenses I would require.
Minutes later I found myself handed over to the sales staff at the front of the shop, who left me to my own devices - trying on frames for the first time in my life. I had joked with my daughter the night before that I would probably end up looking like the 1960s version of Michael Caine - with thick black frames. After much trying on of all manner of different styles, shapes, and thicknesses of frames, I ended up choosing exactly what I had joked about - because somehow they looked right. The assistant thought so too.
After making me look this way and that, and swapping between two or three very similar frames we settled on one particular design, and I was handed over to an eastern european lady who did the final measurements in order to get the lenses and frames made. She spent quite some time measuring and drawing lines on the glass lenses with lumocolour markers, before putting them back on me, and instructing me to stare straight into her eyes.
I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. She was ridiculously pretty too. While I was busy falling head over heels in love with her eyes, she was no doubt just checking the felt pen markings lined up.
And then the sales pitch started. The cut I would like. What sort of work did I do? Did I need more than one pair? Had I ever worn varifocals? I told her I had never worn glasses in my life before, and she too broke into a broad smile.
“Never?!”
“Never.”
I smiled too.
A few minutes later the order was done, a huge hole appeared in our bank account,and I received a receipt with a date written on it - when the glasses would be ready to pick up. While all this was going on I messaged my other half - she replied with “WE NEED PICTURES!”
And that’s how I found myself asking the pretty lady who’s eyes I had fallen in love with if I could take a selfie for my family wearing the frames. She flashed a huge toothy smile, wiped the pen off with a cloth, and handed them over to me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so stupid in my life.
Moments later I pulled my coat back on (it was tipping down with rain outside), thanked everybody (the shop was now almost empty), and dashed out into the puddles. While walking home I started looking at shops, cars, and signs in the distance - wondering if I would be able to see them any better in a couple of weeks time.
I also joked with a friend that I was going to look a LOT more intelligent soon :)