The clock is ticking towards 11pm on Christmas Eve. It feels weird this year. Christmas is changing. I guess all families go through this - as your children grow up. For years you are their world - and Christmas revolves around them - but then they grow up, and your little family is no longer the center of their universe.
For the first time our eldest daughter won’t be here on Christmas morning. It feels very, very strange. She will be here for Christmas dinner though - along with my inlaws. We’re doing Christmas at home this year - cooking dinner - watching rubbish television together - the whole thing.
Earlier this evening our younger daughters were fighting over who was using which Christmas stocking. They are eighteen and nineteen. Go figure.
Even though Christmas is changing this year, there are still some things I’m trying to hold on to. I have come to appreciate the value of close friends this year - friends I can confide in from time to time, and who’s troubles I can sometimes share. They are not many in number, but they are more important than they know - maybe than I know. That sounds like a strange thing to think (or write?).
I wonder if the approaching end of a year causes introspection for everybody? Am I the only one that looks back at decisions made along the way, and wonders about the roads not taken? Or roads that might still be taken? I suspect everybody does from time to time - we just don’t talk about any of it. Can you even imagine - if we verbalised every decision, dilemma, or moment of self doubt?
Anyway.
I should stop typing, stop thinking and try to relax into the next few days. Try to enjoy Christmas a little bit.