Tomorrow is almost New Year’s Eve. Almost the end of another year. I feel like I should write something about this year, but the words really aren’t there. The whole year’s been a bit like that really - like something was about to happen - something should happen - but it didn’t. A stepping stone year. A year of “on the way to somewhere or something”, if that makes any sense at all.
I guess quite a lot changed this year.
My daughters “grew up” a little bit more - became more independent - more their own person. It still feels strange. Boys have arrived in the house too. I’m still not sure how I feel about that - although I’m slowly getting used to it. I think before their arrival I imagined they might be more divisive, mature, or even calculating - and then remembered that girls are far more mature than men - especially during their teens and early twenties. Let’s just say that re-calibrating my concerns has been a relief of sorts.
My job changed this year. From being a small cog among a number of other small cogs, I’m now a small cog in a vast machine. I’m still getting used to it - still finding my way. It’s going to take time - but perhaps that’s the big difference - I have time now. Time to learn, to take stock, and to evaluate. The head-long rush towards the next thing, or the next is no more. That feels like a good thing.
I’ve come to appreciate friends more than ever this year. I don’t always show it, but I think they know. It’s a “British” thing, isn’t it - not letting people know that they actually matter quite a lot - that their existence makes your world a better place - that they make you a better person when they are around. I’m sure they know. I think they know.
Of course the world doesn’t stand still, and there are other friends that have departed along their own paths. From time to time I worry about reaching out - probably thinking far too much about the Shakespeare quote - about people playing many parts during their lifetime - each having entrances and exits.
I need to stop thinking so much.
I didn’t read many books this year. I would like to read more next year. I did start running again though, and have been heading out again just recently - getting off my backside and clearing my head. Running helps. I need to remember that.
A new bullet journal arrived in the post this morning. Tomorrow I will sit down and fill out the index pages - preparing it for the year ahead. A new journal or notebook always seems a little intimidating - until at least a few pages are filled with scribble.