It turns out slowing down is far more difficult than I imagined.
We’re on day three of our break from everything and everybody today, and I’m struggling. Struggling to switch off, to stop thinking, and to stop doing. Not doing anything feels like not doing anything - which feels wrong. There’s always something that needs doing usually - washing dishes, clothes, picking up after others, and a hundred other things. Being shut in this cottage today - a “nothing” day - has made me realise just how crazy my world has become.
Some people love doing nothing. Some people love being busy. I find myself wondering where I live on that spectrum. For the last year I’ve essentially done two jobs - the day job, and pretending to be a content creator - and pushed everything else sideways.
I used to love writing. I still do. I pushed it sideways though because it was only really for me. The work and content creation is for everybody - or rather the remuneration from it benefits everybody. There’s an old saying - that while money isn’t everything, it sure makes life easier. It’s true. I guess the danger is not recognising when enough is enough.
Perhaps that’s what these few days away are really about - to take a step back, to slow down, and to stop chasing my own tail - to realise that investing in myself might be a good idea from time to time.
I wonder how you convince yourself that investing in “you” is not somehow selfish?