I seem to have fallen off the writing bicycle just recently. I know I’ll get back on it eventually – I always do – I just need to find a bit better balance. It’s so easy to get swept up in the next thing, and the next, and the thing after that. Before you know it you’re always searching, and never enjoying where you are.
It’s Sunday evening. I’m sitting in the dark of the junk room, bathed in the light of the monitors, and the clock is ticking towards 11pm. Jackson Browne is singing about the need to unwind – to step off the relentless train from time to time. He’s got a point.
I need to slow down. I need to make time for friends, and running, and reading, and listening to music, and all the other things that invariably get pushed sideways.
I can’t remember the last time I read a book, sat on my own and listened to a record, or did anything just for me. Maybe that’s not entirely true – maybe the blog counts as “just for me”.
It’s hard though – slowing down – stepping back. We went for a walk yesterday – along the river to a pub, and then over the hills that circuitously lead back towards home. Before leaving the house I really didn’t want to go – not that anybody might have realised – and yet once out, I enjoyed it. The curious thing? While everybody else was keen to go for a walk, after the first few miles they were ready to kill me, and just wanted to go home.
I find myself caught between rocks and hard places a lot at the moment – trying to do the right thing for everybody else – and invariably discovering that no routes lead towards happiness. It’s almost like the universe needs a certain level of chaos, anger, anxiety and sadness in order to function properly.
Maybe I think too much.
Paul Simon is singing about being call Al now.