Somehow a week has passed since I last wrote in the blog. I’m not sure how or why. I used to write almost every day – sharing thoughts, ideas and whatever else. These days there always seems to be something more important first – and then something else, and something else.
It’s never-ending.
My eldest daughter went away with her boyfriend’s family this week – her first trip away without us. When she got back I took her into town to get food, and she emptied her head along the way. On the way home – after her colossal download – she asked what I had done while she was away.
“Work”
“You must have done more than just work though ?”
“No. Just work. Oh – and we went to the cinema one night to see the Deadpool movie.”
We walked quietly for the next minute or two, and I turned over what I had said. Other than the night we went to the cinema, I worked all day every day – invariably missing lunch breaks – and then worked throughout each evening on content creation.
I need to slow down. Read some of the unread books on the shelf.
Ever since I started making content for the internet and realised I could make some pocket money at it, I’ve been pretty relentlessly digging a bigger and bigger hole. Yes, the money is useful, but I’m starting to wonder about the bigger picture – why I’m doing it, who it’s really for, and at what cost.
I’ve almost stopped writing. I’ve almost stopped running. I’ve almost stopped reading. Apart from wandering out onto the green outside our house last night to say hello to a friend, I can’t remember the last time I saw anybody I knew. It’s been weeks.
Not good.
It’s the whole “finding balance” thing again, isn’t it. Maybe it’s more a case of “kicking myself up the arse” – or “giving myself a break”. Taking an evening off now and again. Not so much “finding time” to do other things, as “not trying to do everything, all the time”.
The funny thing? When I walked into town with my daughter yesterday, two old friends stopped their cars – waving and shouting greetings to me. One shouted “JONATHAN – HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN AGES!”. I grinned, waved, and shouted hello back.
I’m still here. I never went anywhere. I guess that’s the thing though – I never went anywhere. I was always here – missing in plain sight. I’m kind of good at that.