I’m not entirely sure where today has gone. One of the kids brought a pretty awful virus into the house, and it got me. I think this might be the first day I’ve had off work for over a year.
You wouldn’t believe how long that first paragraph took to write - replete with spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes. My brain seems to be running at about 50% or lower - which is pretty disastrous for a software developer.
It’s odd - being sick - I’m not used to it, and I’m not good at it. My thoughts are jumbled. Forming sentences on the screen is a struggle - changing my mind mid-sentence about how to relate the thoughts in my head.
Have you ever thought about that? When we think, is it in words, sounds, pictures, or something else? Can we ever know? I suppose it’s a similar question to languages - do people think in a language, or does the language just come out of our mouth without too much thought? A good friend who is multi-lingual likened it to switching radio stations in your head. I like that idea.
I struggle with one language most days.
You know the funny thing though? I’m fairly fluent in lots of computer programming languages. I’m guessing they exist in a different part of your brain - but then it’s still all about forming structures on the page (or screen) - imparting information in a prescribed way. When we talk or write we naturally impose grammar rules while arranging a dictionary of words. Computer programming languages are just the same - with rules around syntax and punctuation.
Anyway. It might interest you it just took five attempts to type “anyway”. The letters came out in the wrong order, then the edits were on the wrong characters, or reversed.
I’m good at reversing things. I always have been.
Maybe there’s a connection there between the way some people’s brains work, and the things they are good at. In the movie “Arrival”, we initially struggle to communicate with the aliens because their understanding of time, and therefore order is different than ours. Perhaps my “relaxed” relationship with order is what makes me a half-decent software developer - with the ability to look at complex problems from unexpected angles.
I think some people might call it “insight”. In chess it’s called “seeing” - the ability to look at a pattern, and truly understand it - to see the nature of it - the nuances - how you might interact with it to manipulate it.
Maybe that’s why some people are good at dealing with others? Perhaps we don’t all see each other in the same way. Perhaps some people see more than others, without consciously looking.
It’s probably liked to empathy too.
I often accuse myself of “thinking too much” - of worrying too much about what others might think or do - playing out hypothetical timelines - agonising over choices I will never make. There’s a part of me that envies those that can blunder their way through life, perhaps unintentionally affecting those around them. There’s another part of me that silently castigates them too - watching in silent disbelief at their thoughtless ignorance.
I don’t know why I’m writing this any more. I was waiting for the washing machine to finish, and didn’t want to watch daytime television. I’m not good at “being sick”.