Sunday evening became Monday morning two minutes ago. Normally I would be digging my heels in for another hour and fighting the arrival of tomorrow for as long as possible. I’m too tired to fight it tonight.
I’ve been tired recently. Being a busy idiot and trying to burn the candle at both ends, catches up with you eventually.
It doesn’t help that the rest of the family keep throwing curve balls at me. Of course you deal with them as best you can - because that’s what’s expected - but there are moments when you begin to wonder about all the sliding doors you’ve watched slam shut over the years - all because you did the right thing - or rather the expected thing.
You begin to wonder if this is it - if this is all there is - if this is all the world has in store for you. It’s not that anything you’ve achieved or done is poor in any way - just perhaps that so little of any of it was anything you actually wanted or dreamed about.
Of course it’s easy to watch through the sliding doors - to project the lives of others onto “what might have been”, when in reality you know almost nothing of the lives of others. Too often you see no more than their highlight reel - not their truth.
Anyway.
It sounds I’m being really gloomy. I’m not trying to be. I’m just… tired.
Tomorrow is another day. Another day to continue being whoever and whatever everybody else wants. I’m sure it won’t seem like such a chore in the morning.